Rain is My Kind of Weather

Right now as I am writing this, my window is open, my christmas lights are plugged in, I have a cup of tea by my side, and it is pouring rain. This is my favorite kind of day. There are few things I love more than the sound of raindrops on pavement and the smell of everything being washed away.

This is the first rain of the season and it could not have come at a better time. My life has been a jumble of stress since the start of my junior year in high school. My week has consisted of many tears and thoughts of "Where am I going in life? What am I doing?" But the rain reminds me that the sky cries sometimes too, and everyone is struggling to answer similar questions.

But I still don't have any answers. Being a teenager is difficult beyond words. There are so many things to worry about. Grades, extracurriculars, friendships, relationships, parents, SAT's, college. Thats what is mostly causing me to be so down: college.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I moved to California with my parents at a young age. I'm still here, and my mom and I are doing the best we can to build a life for ourselves. But it has come to the time where I have to start thinking about my educational future. The fact of the matter is that I am the first person in my family to be receiving an American education. This also means that I am entirely on my own. My mother does not understand how getting into college works in the states, so her help only goes to a certain extent. I have to figure it out all on my own, and this is exactly why I am so stressed.

How do I get into a good university? What kind will work for me? What do I have to do to get in? Where do I start? Are my grades good enough? What if I don't play any sports? What kind of SAT scores do I need? How do I pay for college?

I don't know the answers to any of these and a million more questions. The answer may seem simple to others: get a college counselor, they will help you. But I can't afford a private college counselor. So what now? What do I do? This is what is circling in my mind these days.

Maybe you're thinking, "Okay, so where are you going with this post?" Honestly, nowhere. I just needed to write it all out. Maybe another junior will come across this post who feels as lost as I do. Maybe someone who knows answers to these questions will be able to answer them for me. In the end, I suppose I will figure it all out. But for now, the future really scares me.